Stand and Hug

“Can you stand up?” That’s something I get asked all the time. So let me answer the question once and for all. The answer is yes and no at the same time. I can bear my weight which creates the illusion that I’m standing but in reality, I can tip over at any moment once someone places me in that standing position. The only way I can stand semi-independently is if I’m holding on to a grab bar or something of that nature. Eventually, my arms will give out and I will be down on the floor until someone comes and picks me up. Let me be clear, when I say I am bearing my own weight in this case it means that I’m doing the work my muscles are sustaining my body mass in this position. Someone still needs to help stabilize me. They should not have to exert any effort at all. The ironic thing is so many people in my life have never seen me do this activity. I only do it when I am about to transfer or in some therapeutic setting. You don’t need to be a physical therapist or a caregiver to get me into this position. It just takes a lot of practice, not skill. The practice is just confidence-building for the other person to realize you are not going to drop me and we really can’t hurt each other. The cool thing about this activity is that it is in the perfect position for me to hug others.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Philippians 4:8 NIV

Something people don’t realize is because I’m always sitting down I can never give the people I love a gentle embrace. I always have to wait for them to give me one. People know me in one of two ways: a loudmouth obnoxious joker or a constant professional looking for the next opportunity to advocate for others. People are so used to seeing me in a seated position they don’t even think twice about seeing me stand up. The look of shock and horror I receive when I ask people “Can you send me up so I can give you a hug” never gets old. Sometimes I don’t ask because I know they would feel uncomfortable. That’s one of the reasons why I choose to publish this. We live in a world where showing affection is often wrong and frowned upon. So many people require simple human contact. These are the people I’ve always wanted to hug but never have.

My parents, step-parents, and grandparents have all felt my embrace since they have all transferred me at one point or another. So even though I love you all very much this list is not for you. Thank you for your strong and kind hugs throughout the years. Please remember like always the order doesn’t matter because I love them all in one way or another.

First, I owe so many hugs to my little cousins. I usually only went to Puerto Rico on vacation and I was so much older than most of them. A lot of them have never seen me without my wheelchair. 

Next would be without a doubt my colleagues at the New Jersey Council on Developmental Disabilities becoming an advocate changed my life. Some of my colleagues watched me grow up in front of their eyes. I would give every one of them a hug. I know standing up in the middle of a board room it’s probably not the most professional thing but I think if I ever really did this they would make an exception. 

Both of my siblings are next, I have a twin brother with a similar disability because we’re both sitting down most of the time. I’ve never hugged my brother. I am a notoriously non-crier but  I’m pretty sure this one would make me a little Misty to say the very least. Picture it living with someone for over 30 years and never hugging them.  My little sister who is no longer little has now gone off to college and even though she is “normal” she never actually stood me up. I have no doubt she can do it since she has seen it done a thousand times. It’s just one of those things we never got around to. She has never come into the house or left the house without giving me one. I just think I owe her one now.

Finally, there’s one person I can’t wait to hug: my future girlfriend. It will be such a wonderful experience holding her and letting her feel safe and warm just before kissing her. As with all my blogs, I hope this changes your perspective on the human experience. I dare all of you to go out this week and give more hugs. Somebody will need it even if they don’t say it. Thank you for reading and see you next Wednesday.