For the majority of my 20s, I wasn’t partying or drinking on the weekends. I was attending a series of habilitation day programs. I know most people don’t know what that is; don’t worry, I didn’t know what it was either until I got there. The easiest way to describe it is as an adult daycare for individuals with disabilities. This blog is not about me, but the impact “Baby Doll” had on me and those around her.
Every so often, we come across someone whose life story is so hard to believe that part of it becomes a legend. Baby Doll was a strong African American woman. She was petite, but her heart was three times bigger than she was. Unlike most people, she was not afraid of letting the world see her heart. If she knew you, she would love you! She did not care what your skin color was. Gay or straight, that had no consequence. Every day, she hugged anyone. Oh, how I miss those hugs.
This story needs to be shared because there’s a large sector of the disability community that has been neglected and has become less human. This makes me feel so angry. I chose the alias “Baby Doll” because that is what she called all of us who attended the day program. We knew who she was talking to just by the way she said the words “Baby Doll.”
Those of us who can help others must fulfill that responsibility. Baby Doll was born completely “normal,” a pure product of her environment. Her own family forced her into prostitution and drug use. This did not take place in Russia or some third-world country—right here, in the land of hot dogs and the New York Yankees!
She was eventually burned alive by the waste. After her brain was fried and her body was all used up, she was given over to the state of being an adult. When you’re given a court-appointed guardian, you can’t even get a library card in your name.When I met her, she was a shell of her physical self. Her wonderful smile had no teeth. She seldom wore short sleeves, even in the summer. Baby Doll had gray, thinning hair. She used a small collection of wigs. The nicest one she had, she wore to her funeral.
The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:17
Yet there are a few aspects of disability life of which people should be aware. Do you know what people with disabilities have in common with prisons and communal settings? The government pays for all essential parts of life. The participants are paid less than the minimum wage. Most importantly, the individuals are denied some critical freedoms. Let me be clear. We do need more medical and behavioral facilities for those with severe needs. We are past the crisis point where we need quality caregivers who deserve a decent wage. The system is so focused on protecting itself. It denies flexibility to the human element.
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