Comfortably undesirable

I was going to write another blog this week about protecting the rights of individuals with disabilities, but then I realized that this kind of blog also has to be shared because we also have the right as human beings to be loved and to be seen as sexual beings. As long as both individuals can consent and can fully comprehend what a relationship and or sexual encounter entails. Individuals with significant physical disabilities are discouraged from seeking any kind of romantic relationship. In movies and TV, they never show us in a realistic relationship scenario. We are saved for the “inspirational movie.” we are never seen going past a gentle kiss or a cute moment.

As an individual with a disability, I have grown comfortable with my “different body.” However, in reality, it’s not different at all. I was born with ten fingers and ten toes—two legs and two arms—and most importantly, a heart. Over the years, I’ve learned that my disability can make me feel undesirable to the opposite sex. I can confidently speak in front of legislators and lobbyists, and I can maintain my balance, but the thought of talking to a woman instantly makes me sweat. Why is this?

I don’t want this to be a “woe is me” narrative; rather, it’s a wake-up call to society regarding the choices they have made. Society often excludes us from love and relationships. We are not just children; we grow up to be adults, too.

1 Corinthians 13:5-7 NIV It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Growing up, I looked up to physical specimens like Hulk Hogan and The Rock. However, none of them looked like me. As an adult, I noticed that the main character in “Fifty Shades of Grey” is a 6-foot-tall, muscular, very masculine man. When will people with disabilities be portrayed beyond their limitations? I believe that, at some point, they will remake “Basic Instinct.” Why not cast someone with a disability in those provocative scenes? In Hollywood, they now employ intimacy coaches to ensure that everyone feels safe during intimate moments.

We know that the adult film industry is rife with human trafficking and abuse, including victims with disabilities, yet it often goes unnoticed. Our voices matter; our lives matter. I recognize that some men can be terrible. Women are frequently exposed to situations that allow them to be taken advantage of. The good guys tend to hesitate to approach women for fear of being perceived as a threat. By 2025, I’m sure every woman with a cell phone over a certain age will have received inappropriate pictures. As a result, women constantly keep their guard up. If a woman wants to be treated differently by a partner, she should seek a different kind of partner!

If you search social media, you will likely find relationships where one person is paralyzed. I believe these relationships tend to be more socially acceptable because they were once considered “normal,” and there is a prevailing belief that those with such disabilities can do more for themselves. The concept of a disability hierarchy is another system designed to divide us. A human is a human; we all need love!

I know I’ve covered a lot in this short blog, but that’s intentional. I want to encourage people to start having difficult conversations and become comfortable with being uncomfortable. By doing so, you will gain a better understanding of what it’s like to live with a disability.