An Interabled Love Story Part 2

Welcome back, friends. as promised I am presenting my second interview with Charlie and Margaret. A fabulous interabled couple. Since the last interview in 2020, they’re now engaged and more in love than ever. You can find more about the story on their blog and other social media accounts at Just an Interabled Thing. I gave them each a set of questions their answers have never been altered. They deal with society’s judgments on a daily basis they handle them with grace and kindness. They are an example to everyone that love is real. Regardless of circumstance. I am so thankful they gave me this opportunity to be part of their lives. Hope everyone enjoys it and I will see you next week.

Questions for Margaret:

1. Your fiance is not independently wealthy and cannot do basic household chores like taking out the garbage, how does he provide for you?

    “There are different definitions of providing, I would argue that providing emotional support and things like that is harder than providing financially or physically, you know what I mean? Charlie is amazing with emotional support. Our current living situation is living rent-free with my dad, and I do all the cooking and most of the cleaning around the house, we are both so grateful for my dad letting us live in his house.”

2. How has this relationship changed you as a person?

   “I think that dating Charlie has given me more confidence. When you are in an interabled relationship, you are almost guaranteed to get looked at in public. Being with him has taught me not to care what other people think when I get looked at like I shouldn’t be with him or like I was crazy for being with him.”

3. Was  Charlie’s family afraid of you dating him? (Follow up) Did you have to earn their trust?

  “ I don’t know the answer to that. I’m sure there were some apprehensions about it at first, and I’d like to think that I’ve earned their trust.”

4. Being Charlie’s caregiver is easy now because you’re young, What do you plan to do when you both get older and your needs change?

   “I want it to just be me for as long as I can, we have talked about this and when I am no longer able to take care of Charlie on my own, that is when we will look into getting help.”

5. Are you hesitant to get married due to the disability marriage penalty? The assumption is you would have to take on the financial burden as well as the caregiving one.

 “Absolutely, it amazes me that disabled people still don’t have marriage equality, maybe that stems from the assumption that disabled people are not worthy partners, I don’t know. It scares me as of now because I don’t make that much money and I have student loans to pay off and bills, and we don’t even have our own home yet. Charlie has a bachelor’s degree and tries so hard to get a job and has yet to have success, but hopefully one day a company will see all of his potentials and he will have a job.”

"Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves."Romans 12:9‭-‬10 NIV

Questions for Charlie:

1. On the subject of engagement, everyone always focuses on the female. as a disabled male, the expectation is that you will never get married. What did it mean to you to be able to “pop the question?”

“Honestly, I never thought I would get to that point with someone. I was so used to getting to the CP part of the discussion and people disappearing. I knew very early on that Margaret was the one and knew Disney would be the place. When it came time to pop the question, I thought I would be nervous, but I was not. To me, It was the easiest question I ever asked.”

2. How can advocates like yourself, break this false expectation of people with disabilities unable to love?

“Society views disabled people as unworthy of love. To break that ableist view, Margaret and I always post pictures pretty much daily on each of our Instagrams of places we go, etc. We are also not afraid to be all over in public either.”

3. How has this relationship made you more independent not only physically but as a complete person? (Follow up) If God forbid you guys broke up, Are you afraid you’d have to move back home or into a group home facility?

“My relationship with Margaret has definitely made me more open and vulnerable. Margaret has always allowed me to be my true self around her and we talk about anything and everything. If we ever broke up, we would no doubt find our way back, there’s no one else for me.”

4. Was there any aspect of your life as a whole that you will reluctant to let her see or help you with?

“No that were any aspects of my life that I was reluctant for Margaret to see or help with. I think her experience with people with a disability made everything easier. Margaret was very open about wanting to learn about my care and was helping with getting me dressed, showering, and bathroom stuff from the beginning.”

5. What do you say to any skeptics that believe that Margaret settled for you and she could do better?

“To society, our love is as real as it gets. Just like me, Margaret thought she would never find something like this. Margaret never saw my CP or my wheelchair first, she saw me as a person. I know for sure society thinks well he can’t do anything and as a result sees no value. I do plenty for us and Margaret makes me want to be the best version of myself every day.”