The Advocacy Life Podcast & Blog

Category: Disability Awareness

  • Remembeing Baby Doll

    Remembeing Baby Doll

    For the majority of my 20s, I wasn’t partying or drinking on the weekends. I was attending a series of habilitation day programs. I know most people don’t know what that is; don’t worry, I didn’t know what it was either until I got there. The easiest way to describe it is as an adult daycare for individuals with disabilities. This blog is not about me, but the impact “Baby Doll” had on me and those around her.

    Every so often, we come across someone whose life story is so hard to believe that part of it becomes a legend. Baby Doll was a strong African American woman. She was petite, but her heart was three times bigger than she was. Unlike most people, she was not afraid of letting the world see her heart. If she knew you, she would love you! She did not care what your skin color was. Gay or straight, that had no consequence. Every day, she hugged anyone. Oh, how I miss those hugs.

    This story needs to be shared because there’s a large sector of the disability community that has been neglected and has become less human. This makes me feel so angry. I chose the alias “Baby Doll” because that is what she called all of us who attended the day program. We knew who she was talking to just by the way she said the words “Baby Doll.”

    Those of us who can help others must fulfill that responsibility. Baby Doll was born completely “normal,” a pure product of her environment. Her own family forced her into prostitution and drug use. This did not take place in Russia or some third-world country—right here, in the land of hot dogs and the New York Yankees!

    She was eventually burned alive by the waste. After her brain was fried and her body was all used up, she was given over to the state of being an adult. When you’re given a court-appointed guardian, you can’t even get a library card in your name.When I met her, she was a shell of her physical self. Her wonderful smile had no teeth. She seldom wore short sleeves, even in the summer. Baby Doll had gray, thinning hair. She used a small collection of wigs. The nicest one she had, she wore to her funeral. 

    The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:17

    Yet there are a few aspects of disability life of which people should be aware. Do you know what people with disabilities have in common with prisons and communal settings? The government pays for all essential parts of life. The participants are paid less than the minimum wage. Most importantly, the individuals are denied some critical freedoms. Let me be clear. We do need more medical and behavioral facilities for those with severe needs. We are past the crisis point where we need quality caregivers who deserve a decent wage. The system is so focused on protecting itself. It denies flexibility to the human element.

  • The Silent World

    The Silent World

    The June 1st episode of The Purposely Broken World is dedicated to those who are nonverbal or do not communicate using typical means. Everyone has a voice some just use it differently. This podcast is about acknowledging and creating awareness for those who have been neglected for far too long. If you know someone who is nonverbal or needs to know how to better communicate with someone who is, this episode is for you. All comments are welcome don’t forget to like and subscribe.

  • Gratitude V. Complaining

    Gratitude V. Complaining

    Happy Thursday friends. I’ve had a very troubling week. I know today is Thursday but since my podcast was released on the 15th which fell on a Wednesday I decided to push this back a day Have you ever woken up feeling like everything’s just wrong? Like the whole world’s against you? It’s something we all feel sometimes. But have you ever stopped to wonder why? Is it because the world’s just messed up, or is there something about us that needs fixing?

    I’ve always been someone who sees the bright side of things. Even when it seems like everyone’s complaining about what they don’t have, I try to focus on what’s good. Sure, there’s a lot of bad stuff out there—violence, discrimination, you name it. But that’s not what I want to talk about.

    What bugs me is how we complain about every little thing just because our lives aren’t perfect. In this post, I want to compare some common complaints with my own experiences. Not to moan and groan, but to show that even when life’s tough, there’s still plenty to be thankful for.

    ‭1 Thessalonians 5:18 NIV‬ [18] give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

    Let’s start with feeling tired. We’ve all been there, right? Wanting to stay in bed a little longer. But for me, getting out of bed isn’t so simple. Every morning, I need someone to help me, which makes me see tiredness in a whole new light.

    Then there’s the whole job situation. Feeling like you’re not making enough money, hating your job—sound familiar? It’s something I’ve felt too. But for me, the biggest challenge isn’t my disability—it’s the money struggles that come with it. The day I get my first paycheck? It’s gonna be a big deal, let me tell you.

    And traffic? Don’t even get me started. As someone who can’t drive because of my disability, I rely on public transport. And let me tell you, it’s not always smooth sailing. What might be a quick trip for someone else can turn into an all-day ordeal for me.

    I could go on and on, but you get the idea. We need to stop taking things for granted and start appreciating what we have. As they say, one person’s trash is another person’s treasure. Instead of always wanting more, let’s learn to be happy with what we’ve got. So, I hope reading this makes you see things a little differently. Thanks for reading, and feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below.

    Podcast also available on YouTube

  • Passing the Baton

    Passing the Baton

    My legs were burning when I went to bed the other night, but I was content despite having a sore back. I was on my laptop or tablet from 11:00 in the morning until 11:30 at night. My brother asked several times, “Are you done yet? Where is your finish line? Something has to be said so someone else can finish the job that people before me started. I must issue a favorable warning before continuing. I might make some unjust comparisons in the course of this writing. It is not to offend anyone; it is simply an illustration point. 

    ‭Philippians 3:13-14 NIV‬ “Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,  I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”

    The work I do to advocate for those with disabilities is not for me; it’s for someone in the next generation. So they don’t have to fear society and not be seen as equal by their peers, whether they have a disability or not. People don’t want to admit this, but there are people out there who want people with disabilities dead after a certain age. After they stop being cute, we need a social movement to make it okay for people with disabilities to live and thrive in their communities. Home and Community-Based Services (HCBS) is a great concept and it will lead to system change eventually. Parents of a disabled child should never have to fear the day they can no longer be there for their child. Working with those who are the most vulnerable cannot be seen as a dead-end job. It needs to be seen as a fulfilling career. To use an antiquated term, this has to stop being ‘pink-collar work.’

    Speaking of work, those of us who should be working should be offered better jobs than greeters at Walmart or in the back of a restaurant washing dishes. Do our hands have to shake when we hand our resumes to a potential employer? The first concern of an employer should never be, “How much is it going to cost to accommodate you to work here? We have to stop being inspirational just for going to college. I know so many individuals who have finished their college degree but cannot find meaningful employment because they need their health benefits.

    FDR
    "In these days of difficulty, we Americans everywhere must and shall choose the path of social justice—the path of faith, the path of hope, and the path of love toward our fellow man."

    The LGBTQ+ community fought for several years to have marriage equality. I am sorry to say this but we still don’t have marriage equality because people with disabilities are still penalized for wanting to get married. I feel like there is a false illusion that if people with disabilities had children, it would be more of a burden on our society to take care of them. Most disabled parents are more loving and caring than able-bodied parents. Yes, they will need more support but that means more jobs and more opportunities for people to see us as part of their local communities. People like me who look different should not be ashamed to be on a dating app. People don’t understand what it’s like to be afraid to talk to a pretty girl. Imagine what it would be like not being able to talk at all to that same girl.

    People with disabilities are currently in financial and social slavery! Brad Lomax and Judith Heumann did their part. A generation later, the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) was a gigantic step forward. As a community, we need to come together and stop letting society divide us.

    I will continue to work with the system so that one day someone can either emotionally, mentally, or physically stand up for others. I’m proud to be a nobody. My name will not go down in history books. I work so that one day someone can get married without fear. I work so a mother will not have to cry when they have to hand over the care of their child to someone else. I work so that one day someone you know using a wheelchair will not be seen as an inspiration when they are the CEO of a Fortune 500 company. This may not make sense to a lot of people, but one day it will.

    Disability does not care what color you are on the outside. Your sexual orientation is of no consequence. Your political views are irrelevant to people with disabilities. The disability is just part of the person, not the whole person. I know I said all this before on other blogs. I probably sound like a broken record. I’ve never asked my small audience for anything, but I asked that you please share this with someone who has no concept of disability. To someone who thinks we are less than. We are not lost. We are the ones who are strong because we value life, cherish our blessings, and take advantage of the opportunities we’ve been given. We might be broken on the outside, but some are even broken on the inside. we understand that our lives have meaning. Sometimes it’s better to have a life of struggle with a great ending than to have a life without knowing or wanting the destination because you’re searching for the illusion of perfection.

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  • A “what If” Game

    A “what If” Game

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  • Something in my Heart

    Something in my Heart

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  • FDR & Me

    FDR & Me

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  • Content Creation Confessions

    Content Creation Confessions

    Happy Wednesday friends! I hope everything is going well. As you are reading this, I am currently on the way back from the disability policy seminar, and I’m excited to be in our nation’s capital, Washington, DC. I do not consider myself an influencer In this age of digital consumption, it is hard to get people’s attention, let alone keep it for any length of time. I’m just someone who tries to make a small difference in someone’s day. At first, I promised myself I would never charge anything for my creations. It started as a hobby. I don’t expect to have 100,000 followers anytime soon. I have 150 subscribers to the website. Less than a thousand followers on all social media platforms. I started this blog about 4 years ago, and the current version is about 2 years old. The same is true with the podcast. I am proud to say that I have a small but loyal following.

    ‭‭1 Corinthians 12:8 NIV‬ [8] To one there is given through the Spirit a message of wisdom, to another a message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit,

    Here’s something most creators will not admit: it takes a lot of time and energy to produce anything video, audio, or written. For a 20-minute podcast episode, it takes about an hour to record and about 3 hours to edit. My first book took about 10 years to write. My second book, which I hope to have out by the end of September, took about 3 years. Blogs are more fun to write because they’re less time-consuming,are the ones people focus on the least because people don’t like to read. For most people, this would be considered “disposable income” if they charged for their content. For someone like me, this is my income. A few months ago, I decided to start a bonus newsletter for subscribers for a small fee. I have a cash app and PayPal if anyone wants to give me a few dollars. Why does this matter so much to me?

    Since I’m on social security, I can only earn so much. I live below the poverty line. Did you know that the term “handicapped” comes from the 1600s in London, when people with disabilities used to walk around with a cap, playing games and doing tricks for spare change? As a disabled American in 2024. I kind of feel the same way. Don’t get me wrong I love what I do, and I do what I love. It sucks just because I was born a certain way and was never given a shot at a real career or a real job. I love helping others with all my heart, but part of me feels like a very handsome, well-intention Oliver Twist, saying, “Please, sir, may I have some more?”

    Most of my writings are written well in advance. So when I go to Washington, DC, even though I will always advocate for others first, This year I’m going to advocate to raise the asset limit for individuals with disabilities so I can earn a real living without having to stuff money under the mattress like I’m a criminal. Just because I was born a certain way doesn’t mean I should be in a second class. I should have the opportunity to make a living doing what I love. I will never ask for money, but if you’re interested, all the links are above. If you don’t like my content, that’s fine, but I guarantee you that you do follow some other small content creators, so please support them. Thanks for reading this, and I hope to see you guys next week.

  • Disabled Dating Tips

    Disabled Dating Tips

    Hey there, Today, I want to share some advice with you, even though I’m not an expert on anything specific. I thought it might be helpful to talk about something we’ve all experienced at some point: dating. But before we dive in, I want to make a couple of things clear.

    Firstly, some individuals might not fully understand or grasp the concept of relationships due to their disabilities. It’s important to be mindful of this and ensure their protection. This post isn’t aimed at them.

    Secondly, I didn’t start this blog to find dates. My goal is to break down barriers related to disabilities, and dating is a topic that often sparks controversy. Lastly, disabilities affect each person differently, so not everything I say may apply to everyone. With that said, let’s jump into some tips for starting a relationship when one or both partners have a disability.

    ‭Ephesians 6:12 NIV‬ [12] For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
    • Communication is key. Make sure to talk openly and honestly with each other. Taking care of each other goes beyond just the physical aspects.
    • Don’t Fear the Disability: It might seem daunting at first, but understanding how the disability affects your partner is crucial. Don’t let fear hold you back from building a strong relationship.
    • Ask Questions and Learn Together: Don’t hesitate to ask questions and learn from each other. Assuming things can create distance between you two.
    • Encourage Self-Independence: It’s important for both partners to maintain their independence. Constantly challenge each other to grow and become more self-aware.
    • Be Prepared for Society’s Reaction: Sadly, not everyone is accepting of relationships involving people with disabilities. Stay patient and educate those willing to learn.
    • Stay open-minded: People with disabilities often have unique perspectives. Keep an open mind and embrace different ways of seeing the world.
    • Find Joy in Laughter: Life with a disability can be stressful, so don’t forget to laugh together. Enjoy the good times and support each other through the tough ones.
    • Love the Person, Not the Disability: If you’re in love with someone with a disability, love them for who they are, not their disability. It’s an important part of them, but it doesn’t define them.
    • Seek support from the disability community. Remember, you’re not alone. There’s a whole community out there ready to offer support, resources, and understanding.
    • Sex Can Work: Yes, sex can be a part of your relationship. Just communicate openly and find what works best for both of you in a safe and consensual manner.
    • Remember, people with disabilities are just that—people. Treat them with the same respect and consideration you would anyone else. Take care, and feel free to leave any comments or questions below!
  • The Disability Love Paradox

    The Disability Love Paradox

    Hello friends,

    Happy Wednesday to you all! Thank you once again for spending a little time with me. There’s been something on my mind lately, and I want to share it with you guys. This is going to be a bit of a controversial blog. A lot of people will not agree with this. Some people will call me an ableist. Ableism is defined as

    “discrimination in favor of able-bodied people.“discrimination in favor of able-bodied people”.

    Last week, I wrote a blog entitled The Disability Paradox. This is a very complicated sequel. There’s no nice way to say this; romantic relationships are complicated. Having a disability is also complicated. Mixing those two things is not easy. I need to say from the outset that there are individuals with such complex needs that they are not able to have a romantic relationship. That does not mean that they’re not allowed to feel their feelings and try to process them the best way they can. Remember that no two individuals living with a disability are the same, despite whatever the diagnosis says.

    Reality television has done a much better job of including individuals with disabilities in its programming. There was a man on the spectrum who won a season of Big Brother. Years later, there was another female who won the Favorite House Guest award on another season of Big Brother without disclosing her autism diagnosis until the very end of the season. In addition, there was a deaf contestant on the competition series The Circle.

    There is another reality show called Love on the Spectrum that features individuals trying to date with various intellectual disabilities. These are very real people with real feelings I don’t know if it’s the production and editing of the show, but the show comes across as very “inspirational and safe.” They want the individuals to be seen as happy and overcome all kinds of obstacles in their way. Yes, people with disabilities need more support, but the show does not focus on the long-term issues of the relationship, and how they handle those is scarcely shown. This show is designed to make the viewer feel happy. This show doesn’t feel real.

    ‭‭1 Corinthians 13:4-5 NIV‬‬ [4] Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. [5] It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

    As a person with a physical disability, I feel left out. There is another show I want to focus on called Love is Blind. For those of you unfamiliar with this show, able-bodied folks meet without seeing each other; they date for a few weeks before deciding to get married. This is appealing to me because this is the only scenario where someone would get to know me and not see me as someone in a wheelchair first. I cannot hide, nor do I want to be part of myself. I just want people to learn to look past the disability first.

    I want to have a real conversation about faith, finances, long-term goals with a partner, sex, etc. Why are people with disabilities always segregated amongst ourselves? Everyone on Love is Blind is physically fit and has solid careers. The casting department was able to cover all ethnic backgrounds, but they forgot about the largest minority in the United States. It is important to show that individuals with disabilities should have romantic relationships. However, they are insinuating that they can only date others with disabilities This is not an example of inclusion but rather of exclusion. We are all part of the same human race, and we will have obstacles to overcome, regardless of ability. Real love should be what’s on the inside, not the outside. I know this is the beginning of a much deeper conversation Hopefully, someone will continue around the dinner table tonight.

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