The Advocacy Life Podcast & Blog

Tag: Commentary on Society

  • Comfortably undesirable

    Comfortably undesirable

    I was going to write another blog this week about protecting the rights of individuals with disabilities, but then I realized that this kind of blog also has to be shared because we also have the right as human beings to be loved and to be seen as sexual beings. As long as both individuals can consent and can fully comprehend what a relationship and or sexual encounter entails. Individuals with significant physical disabilities are discouraged from seeking any kind of romantic relationship. In movies and TV, they never show us in a realistic relationship scenario. We are saved for the “inspirational movie.” we are never seen going past a gentle kiss or a cute moment.

    As an individual with a disability, I have grown comfortable with my “different body.” However, in reality, it’s not different at all. I was born with ten fingers and ten toes—two legs and two arms—and most importantly, a heart. Over the years, I’ve learned that my disability can make me feel undesirable to the opposite sex. I can confidently speak in front of legislators and lobbyists, and I can maintain my balance, but the thought of talking to a woman instantly makes me sweat. Why is this?

    I don’t want this to be a “woe is me” narrative; rather, it’s a wake-up call to society regarding the choices they have made. Society often excludes us from love and relationships. We are not just children; we grow up to be adults, too.

    1 Corinthians 13:5-7 NIV It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

    Cartoon illustration of blind love or heart holding a cane

    Growing up, I looked up to physical specimens like Hulk Hogan and The Rock. However, none of them looked like me. As an adult, I noticed that the main character in “Fifty Shades of Grey” is a 6-foot-tall, muscular, very masculine man. When will people with disabilities be portrayed beyond their limitations? I believe that, at some point, they will remake “Basic Instinct.” Why not cast someone with a disability in those provocative scenes? In Hollywood, they now employ intimacy coaches to ensure that everyone feels safe during intimate moments.

    We know that the adult film industry is rife with human trafficking and abuse, including victims with disabilities, yet it often goes unnoticed. Our voices matter; our lives matter. I recognize that some men can be terrible. Women are frequently exposed to situations that allow them to be taken advantage of. The good guys tend to hesitate to approach women for fear of being perceived as a threat. By 2025, I’m sure every woman with a cell phone over a certain age will have received inappropriate pictures. As a result, women constantly keep their guard up. If a woman wants to be treated differently by a partner, she should seek a different kind of partner!

    If you search social media, you will likely find relationships where one person is paralyzed. I believe these relationships tend to be more socially acceptable because they were once considered “normal,” and there is a prevailing belief that those with such disabilities can do more for themselves. The concept of a disability hierarchy is another system designed to divide us. A human is a human; we all need love!

    I know I’ve covered a lot in this short blog, but that’s intentional. I want to encourage people to start having difficult conversations and become comfortable with being uncomfortable. By doing so, you will gain a better understanding of what it’s like to live with a disability.

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  • My Big Bang Problem

    My Big Bang Problem

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  • Life and Time

    Life and Time

    Happy Wednesday, my dear friend. I want to begin this blog by saying thank you for your time. Time is such a strange gift, isn’t it? We can’t keep it. We can’t make more of it. We can only lose it, waste it, or make the most of it. When you have a disability like mine. Time seems to go slower. There’s no spontaneity in my life. Either I or someone else must plan every detail. Some days I feel like a tree is growing but not moving. This is not the ideal life, but I am so thankful for it.

    Click Here to Read the Rest: Life and Time

    Some people look at my life and think it must be a living hell. Once, I was walking through a mall. A father saw me look at his child and said, ‘’Thank God you’re not like them.” Referring to my brother and me, the tree grows vertically in the same way the spirit should. I remember feeling bad for this man. Yes, my pride was hurt. The comment was rude. I was wondering how you spent his time. Worrying and being scared. life has its own rhythms and seasons that we can’t possibly comprehend or control fully.

    ‭John 12:8 NIV “You will always have the poor among you, but you will not always have me.”

    It’s easy to look past the tree because it doesn’t move; it just sits there. Sorry, I had to make myself laugh. it would be wonderful for me to always want to blog about all the things I’ve done and places I’ve gone. Those agreed memories and wonderful experiences, but that’s not my daily reality. Most days I’m in front of my tablet or laptop, making Zoom calls. I make sure my calendar is up-to-date. Everyone wants to live a life that is full of joy and great memories That’s a wonderful goal, but it’s not going to happen every day.

    I always get a little offended when someone says they’re bored. For those of us in the Western Hemisphere of the world, we have so many options for what to do with our time. I know that sounds foolish, but you don’t have to work wherever you work. You don’t have to pay your bills. Yes, there are consequences if you don’t. However, there are plenty of people content to live off the grid and off the land. There are people who make plenty of money at home playing video games. To become a doctor, you have to spend 8 years of your life in medical school.

    There are people who spend hours a week in chairs receiving chemotherapy. There are people who are spending their time behind bars. I know the local news has moved on, but there is still a war going on in Ukraine. You may be tired of scrolling through TikTok, but don’t forget about those who have become refugees to avoid bombings in Israel and Gaza. Life and time are about perspective. We have all felt like trees Once in a while, remember that the figure gives life. Without their oxygen, we can’t live, and without our carbon monoxide, they can live. Your life may not be perfect. Sorry to tell you this; it’s never going to be. You can be aware of how you spend your life and your time. As always, thanks for your time. See you next week!

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  • Passing the Baton

    Passing the Baton

    My legs were burning when I went to bed the other night, but I was content despite having a sore back. I was on my laptop or tablet from 11:00 in the morning until 11:30 at night. My brother asked several times, “Are you done yet? Where is your finish line? Something has to be said so someone else can finish the job that people before me started. I must issue a favorable warning before continuing. I might make some unjust comparisons in the course of this writing. It is not to offend anyone; it is simply an illustration point. 

    ‭Philippians 3:13-14 NIV‬ “Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,  I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”

    The work I do to advocate for those with disabilities is not for me; it’s for someone in the next generation. So they don’t have to fear society and not be seen as equal by their peers, whether they have a disability or not. People don’t want to admit this, but there are people out there who want people with disabilities dead after a certain age. After they stop being cute, we need a social movement to make it okay for people with disabilities to live and thrive in their communities. Home and Community-Based Services (HCBS) is a great concept and it will lead to system change eventually. Parents of a disabled child should never have to fear the day they can no longer be there for their child. Working with those who are the most vulnerable cannot be seen as a dead-end job. It needs to be seen as a fulfilling career. To use an antiquated term, this has to stop being ‘pink-collar work.’

    Speaking of work, those of us who should be working should be offered better jobs than greeters at Walmart or in the back of a restaurant washing dishes. Do our hands have to shake when we hand our resumes to a potential employer? The first concern of an employer should never be, “How much is it going to cost to accommodate you to work here? We have to stop being inspirational just for going to college. I know so many individuals who have finished their college degree but cannot find meaningful employment because they need their health benefits.

    FDR
    "In these days of difficulty, we Americans everywhere must and shall choose the path of social justice—the path of faith, the path of hope, and the path of love toward our fellow man."

    The LGBTQ+ community fought for several years to have marriage equality. I am sorry to say this but we still don’t have marriage equality because people with disabilities are still penalized for wanting to get married. I feel like there is a false illusion that if people with disabilities had children, it would be more of a burden on our society to take care of them. Most disabled parents are more loving and caring than able-bodied parents. Yes, they will need more support but that means more jobs and more opportunities for people to see us as part of their local communities. People like me who look different should not be ashamed to be on a dating app. People don’t understand what it’s like to be afraid to talk to a pretty girl. Imagine what it would be like not being able to talk at all to that same girl.

    People with disabilities are currently in financial and social slavery! Brad Lomax and Judith Heumann did their part. A generation later, the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) was a gigantic step forward. As a community, we need to come together and stop letting society divide us.

    I will continue to work with the system so that one day someone can either emotionally, mentally, or physically stand up for others. I’m proud to be a nobody. My name will not go down in history books. I work so that one day someone can get married without fear. I work so a mother will not have to cry when they have to hand over the care of their child to someone else. I work so that one day someone you know using a wheelchair will not be seen as an inspiration when they are the CEO of a Fortune 500 company. This may not make sense to a lot of people, but one day it will.

    Disability does not care what color you are on the outside. Your sexual orientation is of no consequence. Your political views are irrelevant to people with disabilities. The disability is just part of the person, not the whole person. I know I said all this before on other blogs. I probably sound like a broken record. I’ve never asked my small audience for anything, but I asked that you please share this with someone who has no concept of disability. To someone who thinks we are less than. We are not lost. We are the ones who are strong because we value life, cherish our blessings, and take advantage of the opportunities we’ve been given. We might be broken on the outside, but some are even broken on the inside. we understand that our lives have meaning. Sometimes it’s better to have a life of struggle with a great ending than to have a life without knowing or wanting the destination because you’re searching for the illusion of perfection.

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  • Investigating wheelchair Rapunzel

    Investigating wheelchair Rapunzel

    This week’s blog is going to be difficult for me to write. When I first started this project, it was meant to uplift my disability community and shed a light in this often dark world. I never want to bash anyone with a disability; our lives can be difficult enough. There is someone out there who is using various social media platforms to perpetuate negative narratives and victimize herself to gain fame and fortune. Alex Dacy, otherwise known as Wheelchair Rapunzel, is a disabled female living with Spinal Muscular Atrophy (SMA). She is not an influencer; she is seeking attention.

    I used to follow her on TikTok and Instagram. I am not an influencer, nor am I judging her based on her disability. She makes me sad and angry because she has so many blessings but does not appreciate them. She should be an example for people with disabilities. Instead, she is an albatross for our way of life. In 1977, Judith Heumann the mother of the disability rights movement, was on the cover of Time magazine. In 2024, our community will see negative stereotypes reinforced because of people like Alex. You don’t have to take my word for it; I have a list of sources below that will let you see for yourself.

    ' “Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. 'Matthew 7:15

    I feel it’s important for people with disabilities to support others. When I used to follow her, it was fun to see someone with a major disability going to the club and living their best life. After a few videos, her content got old fast for me because it reminded me of one of those guests on Jerry Springer. There is a medication called Spinraza that stops or severely slows the progression of her particular disability. The closest thing there is to a miracle drug. As long as it is taken daily. Alex calls it “twerk juice.” It does not take a rocket scientist to see that she is using other drugs or alcohol throughout the day. It is also clear that her content is monetized. Good for her.

    On a recent podcast, she was asked about her adult entertainment site, which I never followed. Again, not a judgment on her. Individuals with disabilities have sex. However, she cannot claim that she had no other choice and she only did it to support her daughter., You cannot have your cake and eat it too. She is blessed with a beautiful daughter who is showcased frequently in her videos. Honestly, I forgot all about her until a few days ago, when I noticed our community was divided on whether to support her or not after she posted several videos victimizing herself for having Child Protective Services (CPS) make several visits to the home.

    CPS harasses parents with disabilities. It is a sad right of passage for a new disabled mom or dad. This is not the case for Wheelchair Rapunzel and her baby’s father. They received home visits because they were high or drunk. The child is being neglected. Don’t take my word for it. Watch the videos for yourself. Her face is always bloodshot, and her partner” is smoking in the videos! One of the sources is an interview with one of her former caregivers. Alexis clearly needs counseling and to seek help. I do wish her the best, but right now she is not someone that should be followed or admired.

    There are so many real disabled content creators and influencers who show their lives in the right way. Squirmy and Grubs a man with the same disability, have a YouTube channel with his wife. I commend them for the courage it took to document the struggle they went through trying to conceive a child. I know so many disabled couples who cry themselves to sleep, knowing they cannot have a child. So many men and women just happen to have some sort of disability that is constantly ignored because people don’t take the time to see their hearts. This world is so backward. All I can say is to investigate what you consume with your time and energy; don’t just watch something because it’s trending. As always, thanks for reading. I will see you next week.

    Sources:

  • Content Creation Confessions

    Content Creation Confessions

    Happy Wednesday friends! I hope everything is going well. As you are reading this, I am currently on the way back from the disability policy seminar, and I’m excited to be in our nation’s capital, Washington, DC. I do not consider myself an influencer In this age of digital consumption, it is hard to get people’s attention, let alone keep it for any length of time. I’m just someone who tries to make a small difference in someone’s day. At first, I promised myself I would never charge anything for my creations. It started as a hobby. I don’t expect to have 100,000 followers anytime soon. I have 150 subscribers to the website. Less than a thousand followers on all social media platforms. I started this blog about 4 years ago, and the current version is about 2 years old. The same is true with the podcast. I am proud to say that I have a small but loyal following.

    ‭‭1 Corinthians 12:8 NIV‬ [8] To one there is given through the Spirit a message of wisdom, to another a message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit,

    Here’s something most creators will not admit: it takes a lot of time and energy to produce anything video, audio, or written. For a 20-minute podcast episode, it takes about an hour to record and about 3 hours to edit. My first book took about 10 years to write. My second book, which I hope to have out by the end of September, took about 3 years. Blogs are more fun to write because they’re less time-consuming,are the ones people focus on the least because people don’t like to read. For most people, this would be considered “disposable income” if they charged for their content. For someone like me, this is my income. A few months ago, I decided to start a bonus newsletter for subscribers for a small fee. I have a cash app and PayPal if anyone wants to give me a few dollars. Why does this matter so much to me?

    Since I’m on social security, I can only earn so much. I live below the poverty line. Did you know that the term “handicapped” comes from the 1600s in London, when people with disabilities used to walk around with a cap, playing games and doing tricks for spare change? As a disabled American in 2024. I kind of feel the same way. Don’t get me wrong I love what I do, and I do what I love. It sucks just because I was born a certain way and was never given a shot at a real career or a real job. I love helping others with all my heart, but part of me feels like a very handsome, well-intention Oliver Twist, saying, “Please, sir, may I have some more?”

    Most of my writings are written well in advance. So when I go to Washington, DC, even though I will always advocate for others first, This year I’m going to advocate to raise the asset limit for individuals with disabilities so I can earn a real living without having to stuff money under the mattress like I’m a criminal. Just because I was born a certain way doesn’t mean I should be in a second class. I should have the opportunity to make a living doing what I love. I will never ask for money, but if you’re interested, all the links are above. If you don’t like my content, that’s fine, but I guarantee you that you do follow some other small content creators, so please support them. Thanks for reading this, and I hope to see you guys next week.

  • Life Tips

    Life Tips

    Hello Readers,-

    So this week really got away from me It took me a long time to produce the next podcast, which will be released on April 1st. All I could think to do was come up with this quick list of tips to have a good life. I hope you guys enjoy it. As always, all comments are welcome.

    ‭‭Proverbs 1:5-6 NIV‬‬ [5] let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance— [6] for understanding proverbs and parables, the ayings and riddles of the wise.
    • Develop X-ray vision: Never take things at face value; the best-dressed man may be the biggest snake. The man who is smelly and brash may be the one who helps you the most. What good is it to dress up on the outside if you’re dead on the inside?
    • Give what you can and save what you can’t lose.
    • Regardless of what religion you follow, it’s safe to say we reap what we sow. So be careful with seeds you plant.
    • Always help when you can; don’t put it off for another day, because one day you will need the same help.
    • Knowledge is power, but with significant power comes great responsibility. So use it wisely.
    • Never stop learning, but realize you will never learn it all.
    • No matter how bad it seems, someone has it worse. What you throw away, someone else is already looking for.
    • Each breath we take is one we can’t get back, so remember to leave something good in this world for others to find after you have left it.
    • Learn the difference between living and existing.
    • Laugh like you never have before, and love like you always wanted to be loved.

    I know there’s a lot to unpack here, and I know that each one of these can be its own separate post. I also know that a lot of these things you probably heard before, sometimes we just need a reminder. I think that’s what I was really trying to do—just remind all of us of things the world has made us forget. Thanks for reading. See you guys next time. I love you all.

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  • The Disability Love Paradox

    The Disability Love Paradox

    Hello friends,

    Happy Wednesday to you all! Thank you once again for spending a little time with me. There’s been something on my mind lately, and I want to share it with you guys. This is going to be a bit of a controversial blog. A lot of people will not agree with this. Some people will call me an ableist. Ableism is defined as

    “discrimination in favor of able-bodied people.“discrimination in favor of able-bodied people”.

    Last week, I wrote a blog entitled The Disability Paradox. This is a very complicated sequel. There’s no nice way to say this; romantic relationships are complicated. Having a disability is also complicated. Mixing those two things is not easy. I need to say from the outset that there are individuals with such complex needs that they are not able to have a romantic relationship. That does not mean that they’re not allowed to feel their feelings and try to process them the best way they can. Remember that no two individuals living with a disability are the same, despite whatever the diagnosis says.

    Reality television has done a much better job of including individuals with disabilities in its programming. There was a man on the spectrum who won a season of Big Brother. Years later, there was another female who won the Favorite House Guest award on another season of Big Brother without disclosing her autism diagnosis until the very end of the season. In addition, there was a deaf contestant on the competition series The Circle.

    There is another reality show called Love on the Spectrum that features individuals trying to date with various intellectual disabilities. These are very real people with real feelings I don’t know if it’s the production and editing of the show, but the show comes across as very “inspirational and safe.” They want the individuals to be seen as happy and overcome all kinds of obstacles in their way. Yes, people with disabilities need more support, but the show does not focus on the long-term issues of the relationship, and how they handle those is scarcely shown. This show is designed to make the viewer feel happy. This show doesn’t feel real.

    ‭‭1 Corinthians 13:4-5 NIV‬‬ [4] Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. [5] It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

    As a person with a physical disability, I feel left out. There is another show I want to focus on called Love is Blind. For those of you unfamiliar with this show, able-bodied folks meet without seeing each other; they date for a few weeks before deciding to get married. This is appealing to me because this is the only scenario where someone would get to know me and not see me as someone in a wheelchair first. I cannot hide, nor do I want to be part of myself. I just want people to learn to look past the disability first.

    I want to have a real conversation about faith, finances, long-term goals with a partner, sex, etc. Why are people with disabilities always segregated amongst ourselves? Everyone on Love is Blind is physically fit and has solid careers. The casting department was able to cover all ethnic backgrounds, but they forgot about the largest minority in the United States. It is important to show that individuals with disabilities should have romantic relationships. However, they are insinuating that they can only date others with disabilities This is not an example of inclusion but rather of exclusion. We are all part of the same human race, and we will have obstacles to overcome, regardless of ability. Real love should be what’s on the inside, not the outside. I know this is the beginning of a much deeper conversation Hopefully, someone will continue around the dinner table tonight.

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  • A Valentine’s Day Message

    A Valentine’s Day Message

    Happy Valentine’s Day! I hope this blog brings some joy to your day. Over the weekend, many couples celebrated Valentine’s Day, which is honestly my favorite holiday. Even though we should show love to our friends and family every day, it’s easy to forget in the hustle and bustle of life. That’s why having a special day dedicated to love is so important.

    To me, Valentine’s Day isn’t about fancy gifts like flowers and chocolates. It’s more about showing genuine care and support for someone, even in small ways.

    Now, let’s talk about something important: advocating for people with disabilities. Before we get into it, I want to be clear. Some people with disabilities may not be able to understand or consent to romantic relationships, and that’s okay. But for those who can, it’s important to challenge misconceptions about what they’re capable of.

    ‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭13:4‭-‬5‬ ‭NIV‬‬ [4] Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. [5] It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

    Years ago, people with disabilities were often kept out of sight in institutions. But things are changing, just like they did for the LGBTQ community. It takes time, but education and breaking down stereotypes are key.

    Having a disability can make romantic relationships more challenging, but it’s not impossible. It just takes understanding and communication from both partners. There might be people who don’t understand or stare, but love knows no boundaries, whether one or both partners have a disability.

    It’s important to see the person beyond their disability. I’ll share links to two couples who are in integrated relationships to show that it’s possible. I promise to keep talking about this topic regularly in my blog because awareness is important, just like having accessible facilities.

    I’m sending love to everyone who needs it today, and I’ll see you next Wednesday!

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  • Hope for Children

    Hope for Children

    As February begins, Kevin puts his focus on hope for children and how the future of society will go. Are children raised too fast thanks to television and other forms of media? Whose fault is it? What can we do about it? Hopefully, after listening to this, parents will be able to have a good conversation with their children Join the conversation today.

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