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How One Finds Balance Between Dependency On Others VS Self Advocacy
By, Nicholas Taubenslag
As children, we depend on parents to guide, teach, and for emotional support. They guide and teach us what’s wrong and what’s right. Whenever we have a negative experience that hurts our self-esteem we lean on them to help build it back up. For example, In the school years of my life I was emotionally tormented by bullies whom I thought were “friends”, however, I came to find out for myself they weren’t thinking in my best interest. My parents taught me that it’s important to forgive those people internally. Forgiveness is not condoning the other person’s behavior and/or actions by any means. It’s about finding a small measure of peace within oneself. Jesus Christ illustrates this point perfectly when he stated on the cross
Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” And they divided up his clothes by casting lots."
Luke 23:34 NIV
There comes a time in every person’s life when he or she needs to gradually learn how to ask for themselves what they want or need from others. For instance, my first taste of asking for what I wanted was when I was about four years old. My mom and I were at a bagel store. I wanted to get myself a “mini bagel”. I then asked my mom to get me one once we got to the front of the line. She said, “ If you can find a way to get to the front of the line in a polite, respectful, and courteous manner you can ask for it yourself.” So, I said please excuse me to every customer in front of me and when I finally got to the front of the line. I politely asked the employee If I could please have a mini bagel. As you can imagine I was overjoyed with having my prize. I didn’t realize at the time that later in my life I’d realize that Self Advocacy was part of my life purpose.
As a Boy Scout earlier on in my life. I always had to treat everyone with kindness, love, and respect. When I needed assistance in order to complete merit I learned to partner with others to complete the badge. We were taught in scouts to do a good deed daily for someone else. In turn, the other person is willing to help you out.
One lesson I have learned in my life is not to act impulsively without thinking or consulting someone prior. The key thing is to have patience and release control over the desired outcome once we do that things flow a lot more easily.
You’re probably asking yourselves how do I find the balance between depending on others and going ahead without their help or advocating for yourself. From my own experience, it takes patience, resilience, and never giving up. When asking for what you want it’s important to ask in a calm, polite, and respectful manner. There is a famous statement that illustrates this point perfectly. “You get more with honey than you do with a sting.” Everything takes time to get things done.
To sum this all up, With patience, a calm demeanor and resilience one can achieve anything their heart desires. May we all one day be able to ask for what we want confidently.
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